My Miracles

...but that's not what this post is about. I am happy for them.

It brings to my mind once again the thought that I am not ready to start trying for another child yet though. Anna had the same due date as me and Mackynzie was born just a few days before my Anna.

I also know others who are pregnant who have little ones the same age or even younger than my Anna. There are also those whose children are Anna's age who are not pregnant, but there are quite a few who are.

No one is pressuring me but the questions have already started "When do you think you'll have more?" I don't know. Honestly, I don't. I'm not bothered by the question. I am just so happy being Anna's mom, there are times that I can't picture even having another child in the picture at all! I feel like she is it sometimes, like she just makes our family complete. I do think we'll try for one more but I think it's going to be later than what it seems like most "expect." Not too long, but I am not in a rush to start trying again. It's just not even in my realm of thinking right now.

Part of it is definitely just not being ready to go through a c-section again and the recovery process and wanting Anna to be older for that but the bigger thing really is just wanting to be with Anna. Sometimes I almost feel bad about that, like I am being selfish for wanting to wait and just spend time with Anna. Anyone else feel that way?

I thought I was just lucky and we were not going to have to deal with this... I no longer think that's the case. Anna now sometimes, not always, cries when one of us leaves the room (today even though I was holding her she cried because Chad went outside!).

She cried when I left her in nursery today for the first time ever! That broke my heart! I don't mean that she hasn't cried in a long time when I left her in nursery, I mean she NEVER has! I started putting Anna in nursery at around 10 months and she just today cried (and tried to follow me!) as I left for the first time! I didn't cried but I'll admit that I started to get a little misty! Poor baby! She was fine though, I checked on her a bit later and they told me after that they picked her up and she was fine right after I left. Oh my baby!

The hardest thing definitely is nighttime though. Anna has slept 12 hours a night since she was 6 months old but the last couple of weeks she has been waking up once a night again. I think it started out because of her teeth, she has gotten 3 teeth in the last month, with at least 3 more on their way, but now I think she just wants me! I think it's kind of partly a separation anxiety thing! If I go in, pick her up and rock her just for a few seconds and then put her back down, she cries for a minute then goes right back to sleep! She needs to go back to knowing how to out herself back to sleep! It's funny how once you have a good rhythm they go and change things up again! She is also starting to decide not to nap very well either, kind of doing the same thing. Ugh! We'll get back there though, babies, are amazingly resilient! Ah the joys of motherhood!